engineering_for_Him's Xanga

Hello world (again)

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 21:53:05 GMT

Hey, longest span ever without blogging since I started. So it’s pretty much impossible to catch up with everything that’s been happening. As far as my journey goes, part of the reason that I stopped blogging so much is cause I wasn’t spending the time I needed to be reading about, thinking about, and talking to God. It’s has been up and down since then a bunch, but of late it has been getting better. I’ve been getting into the greater benefits of the church that we’ve been attending recently. That is to say that the group we’ve been meeting with recently has been amazing and pushing me to grow and grow more and more which is good since I’ll be married soon enough and growth is kind of a very necessary thing to have. This season began when we met with the Elder (read Pastor) who led our pre-marriage class who will be marrying us. He felt he didn’t really know us well enough and wanted to get to know us better so he asked if we’d like to start attending the Missional Community (groups that meet officially once a week and try their best to live as much of life together as possible) that he goes to. Since we’ve been attending that group we have begun to see what our church really means by Gospelling heart issues.

The idea is that we have wicked things which will grip our hearts and cause us to not believe the Gospel as we should and lead to other issues in our lives. The idea of Gospelling is that you speak the Gospel truths that directly contradict the lies that are gripping the heart and causing issues. The idea is to go beyond treating surface sins and get to the root problem. For example: feeling stressed about work could be a sign that the person is believing the lie that they need to find their approval in what other people instead of God or it could be a person believing that they need to provide for themselves instead of trusting God to provide for them. Once the heart issue is identified then you proceed to address it with the Gospel as often as you can to the point that the person can get better and better at Gospelling themselves through those issues.

We’re also still looking for a place to live. It’s expensive to live in SoCal. We’re looking in a cheaper neighborhood at it’s still like $700/month for a 1bed/1bath. So we’ll see. It would be nice to find another job where I could have more money…we can make it work with what we have… and I kind of doubt I will find another job until I really need it because that will force me to have to trust God even more. The elder who’s marrying us said that he felt like we were going to be in a pressure cooker as we enter this season of marriage. So it will probably continue to be hard for awhile, but I’m at a good place of trust right now so…yeah.

God Bless.

Around and around I go...

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 03:46:44 GMT

So I got a full position with the American Peptide Company recently. This means I’m not working through a temp agency so I’m actually working for this company. They want me to keep working there for awhile. The pay isn’t that great…which slows the debt paying. The job gets pretty boring at times, which makes me want something else. The job is neutral as far as my conscious goes; it’s not a huge company that lacks accountability, but it’s also not directly helping those that need the most help. It is a steady job; I rather doubt that they’d fire me unless they hit really dire straits. It’s not a bad job and it will help me pay off my debt for now so I should just stick with it…or not…so goes my mind around and around. I want to be content to stay where I’m at and I think I have gotten a little of that, but I also want to not get too content…maybe more of my issues are with my lack of an outlet for my desire to be involved in the loves of the poor…well I know that’s part of it, but ideally I would have a job that lets me do that even if it’s only temporary before I head out to help those elsewhere. So I’m torn between being worried about not being too content and also not content enough…I just want to pay off my debts and get out to Bogota, Colombia to see where God leads from there. In fact I’ll probably go there before the debts get paid off; I either need an initial trip there to find out what it’s like, or I need that trip for God to lead me elsewhere. Interestingly enough I was thinking about the fact that some of what originally attracted me to Colombia has been diminishing there in recent years and rising up in Mexico more and more. These things are mostly based on US policy decisions screwing up the country and the fact that the drug trade is a big part of what has taken up a large part of the power in the country…it’s interesting for me to entertain the possibility that God could send me to Colombia to send me elsewhere and now seeing one way he could do that; if He showed me that Colombia is no longer where He needs me but rather someplace I’ve already been…I still don’t know what will happen but I’m glad that I have more possibilities in my mind that I’d be alright with so that I can have more confidence that I need to follow God’s plan for me instead of what I think it is; the more good possibilities I have open the more unsure I’ll be what is His plan unless He shows it to me.

Wow...just...wow

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 07:28:19 GMT

Between a conversation and a comment I heard someone make I’ve been very thrown by some people at my work. So before break, there was a conversation I got into where one of the people ended up saying basically saying that he could care less what happens to other people as long as he's well off. He went as far as responding to the hypothetical situation where there was a nuclear winter ravaging the world but he was doing alright, saying that if he was better off than others at that point then he benefited from that situation because he's better in comparison to others... And just the other day a coworker walk walking to his car, another coworker asked him where he was going. He responded by saying eventually he was going to hell but, he was going to lunch right now. Then he uttered an insult about the other coworker and then said something along the lines that hell is a christian belief so it’s bologna anyway.

I guess I wasn’t as surprised at the second happening, but with the mood I was in at the time it threw me off. I just can’t comprehend people being so selfish. With the first one he’s an amiable enough guy, but he just cares about himself. The second will make some comments to your face, but now I know he’ll also make comments you can’t hear. I suppose with the second it could just be the culmination of nerd culture where you insult your friends to be friends, but the fact that he also does it behind their back…well I guess it would make sense that if you do it to their face you might just do it behind their back just out of habit.

I guess I’m thrown by the first instance because I’ve never heard anyone so directly admit that he only cares about himself. He didn’t sugar coat it at all. He was working for himself and he’d be nice enough in talking to others but he really only cared about himself. I suppose it’s better than what many nominal Christians do where they say that they live for God but really mostly live for themselves…just crazy to hear I guess.

Maybe I put too much faith in people’s inclination towards doing good. Maybe I’ve hung out with good (note this doesn’t mean they are totally selfless) people for too long. I guess it’s just a bit of a shock to meet people who are atheists and not humanitarians. They just don’t care about anyone except themselves…it’s still throwing me…but now I know that they are out there.

Seasons and Sermons

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 03:50:35 GMT

So it feels really weird to me that it’s December right now. Out here in the San Diego the seasons are different from the Mid west. Thus far I have experienced summer, summerer, summererier, and some fallishness and then some more summer and then a little more early fall type stuff, and more summer and some rain and cool fallness and again more summer. So it’s difficult to get into the Christmas season because it is mostly still way too warm outside during the day. At night it cools down to what would be a warm night in the mid to late fall, but my body is still very confused by this all. Thus bring to light one of my biggest frustrations about this area being the lack of different weather (especially a lack of rain). And that’s about all I have to say about that.

On a different topic I love the elder who normally does the sermons at the church I’m at (they don’t have pastors they have elders). He’s very challenging and is great at revealing the mysteries of the Gospel to non-believers but also greatly challenging those of us who have been in the church for quite awhile. He has a way of doing so that challenges and gets you to realize that you need to work to do better but that you also don’t have to be perfect. In other words he preaches the Gospel. He has been doing a series on parties and Jesus, but starting this week, he switched to Advent and went with Hope. Now I was worried (and slightly relieved inside) to think that this series mught not convict like he has been because he was going to speak on such broad topics as Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love. I was pleasantly surprised. When he defined Hope he defined it as (paraphrasing) something that we are certain will happen that affects our outlook on everything. He challenged us then to think about how Hopeful we are as well as what we (and other) but their Hope in. When he launched into a these things that we put our Hope in and railed on each one I realized that this is a very good church for me to be in for now. I feel that I should move to a place where I live in a community that is more of a poor area that has social issues. When I move there I feel that I should probably attend a church in that community, but I feel for now that his as a transition church will continually allow God to remind me of His call to me at the very least every couple of weeks. It is a place of a great reminder from God to me of His promise for me to be able to leave the silliness of “happy suburbs” for a place He wants me to be at. A place where He gives me crazy Hope because it’s one of those quirks He gave me that I Hope and Dream like crazy for Him when I’m in those places…or maybe it’s just the lack of distractions. I don’t know, but it’s where I need to be to thrive spiritually. That’s why it’s much more of a sacrifice for me to be where I’m at now than to be living in a place of utter physical and social poverty.

A Politically Charged Few Days

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 04:47:38 GMT

So obviously these past few days have been rather politically charged. Normally I would thrive in that type of environment but I find more and more often that political discussions I have are either useless, hurtful (to other people), or both. I’m hesitant to express where my politics fall but it will kind of come into play in this explanation, so I’ll say that I’m a rather Liberal Christian who doesn’t have any issue with big government. I don’t mind redistribution of wealth in the least. I’m a recently declared pacifist and I’ve been moving towards being completely against violence in all forms including military actions. That being said, my Christianity causes me to desire abortions not to happen; however I don’t know that an out-right ban is the best way to get that to happen…and this week I’ve been moving towards non-involvement in politics...I don’t fall into a voting bloc, and I’m constantly thinking about things further and changing my stances if I feel I need to.

Misty’s parents are conservative Christians who feel they have earned what they have and don’t want it taken away by the government. Her mom religiously watches conservative pundits and listens to the far Right side. So I’ve been worried as I’ve visited Misty at her house in the past few weeks as she has been having heated discussions with her parents and I really didn’t want to get into that…enter Monday night. We are all eating and Misty’s parents are going through the propositions on the ballot in Cali (California has ballot measures that the citizens vote on called propositions). Prop 8 this year is a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage. We go by that and it passes over…bullet one dodged. Then Misty’s mom starts bringing up how Obama’s running mate said they were for traditional marriage but how Obama didn’t want Prop 8 to pass (meaning same sex marriage can continue). Misty says she has a similar position and the discussion begins. Misty’s mom is winning the argument with a technicality. I enter the discussion (should have let it go). I help Misty and her dad even joins us in saying that it is a technicality. Misty’s mom starts feeling ganged up on. She further attacks gay marriage and Misty brings up the argument that I told her for why I can’t support a ban on gay marriage. Basically I view this as major hypocrisy in the church since it is saying nothing of remarriage which is also a sexual sin related to marriage. So I don’t feel that the Church has any right to put such huge support behind this ban when they say nothing of remarriage. This may put me on the side of anti-remarriage and anti-gay marriage but Misty came from a father who remarried so I know God can redeem relationships that He may classify as sinful. I would not have felt comfortable bringing these things up with Misty’s parents since her dad is remarried…this is an issue that Misty’s mom has been going through and she takes this as a personal attack against her thinking that Misty is saying she should get divorced which is not the point she trying to make at all as she’s trying to say that their relationship has been redeemed by God. And so Misty and her mom both end up in tears. They have since apologized to each other, but I still see politics dividing as I watch facebook statuses change to those who celebrate an Obama win by degrading McCain and others express grave fears at Obama being President…So I see politics dividing God’s family. I see political maneuvers by governments having Christians kill Christians in war. I see politicians on all sides invoking the name of America in the place of the name of God. I see people combining their faith with nationalism and others having their faith in nationalism or politicians.

To my Christian brothers and sisters I bring a warning: beware of the spiritual powers behind politics. Demons have a hold there and love to use it to divide. Don’t let yourself be swayed by your peers who place their faith in fleeting things of this world like Presidents. No President or government in the foreseeable future is going to come anywhere close to Jesus until His return. God is not in the habit of killing babies, nor is he in the habit of starting wars between his servants. I’ll leave with a Shane Claiborne quote from his experience as a peacekeeper in Iraq when the US started bombing Baghdad:

"If this bloody, counterfeit liberation is American... I am proud to be Un-American.

If depleted uranium is American... I am proud to be Un-American.

If US sanctions are American... I am proud to be Un-American.

If the imposed "peace" of Pax Americana is American... I am proud to be Un-American.

BUT

If grace, humility, and nonviolence are American... I am proud to be American.

If global democracy is American... I am proud to be American.

If sharing to create a safe, sustainable world is American... I am proud to be American.

If loving our enemies is American... I am proud to be American.

REGARDLESS-

I would die for the people of New York but I will not kill for them... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I would die for the people of Baghdad but I will not kill for them... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I will stand in the way of terror and war... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I will pledge an allegiance deeper than nationalism, to my God and to my Family... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I will use my life to shout, "Another world is possible"... for my Kingdom is from another Place."

Yay Gray!

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 20:16:29 GMT

Ok so the title has little to do with what I’m posting on, but I’m just happy that the sky is actually overcast today. It has been way too sunny and summery for the past few months that I’ve been here. I also started reading a book today which takes place in Lima and it talks about the gray skies of winter there…which makes me happy in thinking about the trek…which is good because thus far that book is very depressing…interesting, but depressing. So what am I feeling I should write about?

Distractions! Yay! ...wait no. I’m not a fan. So I’ve been feeling extra distracted lately. I’m losing desire to do much else but work and then come back and distract myself. It is in these times that I long more and more to leave and go elsewhere, to simplify, to leave all of the distractions and annoying things that the world tells me I have to do…le sigh. Perhaps God had me not thinking about going into debt before I did to make sure that I would stay in the US for a bit while I learned some more stuff…or just grew more frustrated and driven so that I’d be less likely to want to return quickly once I get where He leads me for international stuff. Oh yeah on a side note I heard on the NPR the other day that there are slums in Bogotá in Colombia; so if I’m supposed to check out Bogotá and I feel more called to urban slum ministry that could be where God’s leading me. I’ll see. I’m bored…and the vast majority of my time is composed of activities that do very little to grow my relationship with God so I’m very discontented with where I’m at.

I also am somewhat unsure if the community group that Misty and I are in is right for me. My main issue is that it’s mainly a college aged group. So while the church is excellent and the teaching definitely pushes people to a better relationship with God…I feel that the group lacks the focus that I would like since I’d like a group focused on justice stuff and this group is still mostly focused on college…so I kind of want to see what will happen as more graduate, but I also kind of want to find a community that shares the more specific cry of my heart of poverty issues…which eventually I would hope would lead me to living in a community that lives in a poor neighborhood…and it’d be pretty darn cool if we all went off to live in another country that God calls us to after that…nudge nudge God. J…sigh. I want out of this place I’m in.

In completely unrelated news my brother is now engaged, so congratulations to him and his fiancée.

Work work work

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 18:13:43 GMT

Yes this is my life it would seem. I’m still looking for other opportunities, but until I find one or the company I’m with offers me an official job, this is how it’s going to be since I need income for living. I can’t say that I’ve established a healthy equilibrium between work and God and relationships yet. It’s better than it was at first, but it’s still all over the place. Especially with respect to God, I am not consistent enough at all. I still want to find someplace closer with more stuff that I want to do, but my company isn’t making that easy. When I told them that I still wasn’t sure about the job with them they sent in their engineer to tell me that they had other opportunities coming up that they thought of me for…this raises the problem that I know that they want me. I am a great fit for their job. As a chemist I can do the basics of the job (though honestly most people could be taught to do this in a couple months) and as a ChE I have a better understanding of the control system stuff on the larger devices they’ve been getting in recently. And since they’re paying me just for being a chemist, it’s pretty ideal for them…but not so great for me. The drive is long, and the majority of the job does not involve ChE stuff so I get bored. Also as far as paying down my debts go and planning for the future, I am currently getting paid about half of what I could get as a ChE (that may improve if I got an actual job with them); and I was told that they only get two weeks of paid vacation, so that could limit my options for travelling to see my family and also checking things out for my future. Were I in an engineering job getting paid more I would probably be more able to take unpaid time off since I would be making more money for the time that I’m there…so I just want God to show me something. Last week I would say that He was making me more discontented, this week He made me more contented there (with some ChE stuff and conversations during lunch)…so I don’t know where He’s directing me, but He certainly hasn’t opened up any other doors for me at this point…maybe He still wants me to show Him that I can manage my time well for Him when I don’t have as much…then He’d give me more…since I feel that’s part of the reason He had this job jump on me so quickly. (I was wasting a lot of time when I had nothing to do but job search). Or maybe He wants me to be somewhat content with this job until I leave it at some point because He wants me elsewhere fairly soon…But it’s all theory at this point…I don’t know where God want me.

Week 3 Thursday

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 03:03:29 GMT

Well…I applied for another job. I’ll see what happens with that. Hopefully that’ll work out or I’ll find some other place. I’ve been getting more convinced that I wasn’t supposed to get connected with this job since the new girl who started this week already has been connecting much more than I have and she’s only been there three days. So…yeah…I’ll see. Traffic has also been getting worse all week…so I’m not too excited for tomorrow. Parents are coming tomorrow night for a weekend visit (first meeting of Misty and my parents)…should be fun.

Work: Week 3 Wednesday

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:52:20 GMT

Loo loo loo…I’m bored with work. I’m looking for other jobs…but I don’t know if I’m supposed to stick with this one for longer. Then again I remembered that on Saturday when I was at the going away party for my Lima Trek director (she’s going back to Lima for a couple years soon)…anyhow when I was there one of the trek students (who’s actually just a couple weeks younger than me) asked me if I would go back again if I was asked to be staff. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I was thinking about it more and I would really love to keep helping the trek until I go with some other organization longer term…but I don’t know if that’s what God has for me. So I’ll see with respect to that. And obviously Misty’s ability to join me with those opportunities would also play into how excited I would be about those opportunities…I don’t know…I’ve just got to keep my dreams up so I don’t go crazy.

So it continues (Tues Week 3 of Work)

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:32:26 GMT

The new 12” column equipment raining started today and it was exciting for me to see the more ChE instrumentation and stuff on the device. It made me realize that unless I’m doing research I really do like engineering much better than chemistry. So…yeah I should probably start taking time to look for an engineering job while I keep making monies form this first job. I also got to do some math to calculate some stuff today which was very fun for me too. So maybe they’ll give me more stuff I like I’ll like the job more but I’ll see…

Today’s community group was fun. We went to Ali Baba’s (a family owned and operated Middle eastern restaurant). It was amazingly delicious (especially the hummus) and we ordered the 5 person feast for 7 people and had 4 take home boxes left afterwards. After that we went to a coffee house that had an open mic night and listened to some people play music. Most of it was pretty darn good. So that was fun too. That’s about it for today I think…off to never never land…