Currently Kingdom of Comfort By Delirious? see related

Around and around I go...

So I got a full position with the American Peptide Company recently.  This means I’m not working through a temp agency so I’m actually working for this company.  They want me to keep working there for awhile.  The pay isn’t that great…which slows the debt paying.  The job gets pretty boring at times, which makes me want something else.  The job is neutral as far as my conscious goes; it’s not a huge company that lacks accountability, but it’s also not directly helping those that need the most help.  It is a steady job; I rather doubt that they’d fire me unless they hit really dire straits.  It’s not a bad job and it will help me pay off my debt for now so I should just stick with it…or not…so goes my mind around and around.  I want to be content to stay where I’m at and I think I have gotten  a little of that, but I also want to not get too content…maybe more of my issues are with my lack of an outlet for my desire to be involved in the loves of the poor…well I know that’s part of it, but ideally I would have a job that lets me do that even if it’s only temporary before I head out to help those elsewhere.  So I’m torn between being worried about not being too content and also not content enough…I just want to pay off my debts and get out to Bogota, Colombia to see where God leads from there.  In fact I’ll probably go there before the debts get paid off; I either need an initial trip there to find out what it’s like, or I need that trip for God to lead me elsewhere.  Interestingly enough I was thinking about the fact that some of what originally attracted me to Colombia has been diminishing there in recent years and rising up in Mexico more and more.  These things are mostly based on US policy decisions screwing up the country and the fact that the drug trade is a big part of what has taken up a large part of the power in the country…it’s interesting for me to entertain the possibility that God could send me to Colombia to send me elsewhere and now seeing one way he could do that; if He showed me that Colombia is no longer where He needs me but rather someplace I’ve already been…I still don’t know what will happen but I’m glad that I have more possibilities in my mind that I’d be alright with so that I can have more confidence that I need to follow God’s plan for me instead of what I think it is; the more good possibilities I have open the more unsure I’ll be what is His plan unless He shows it to me.

Wow...just...wow

Between a conversation and a comment I heard someone make I’ve been very thrown by some people at my work.  So before break, there was a conversation I got into where one of the people ended up saying basically saying that he could care less what happens to other people as long as he's well off.  He went as far as responding to the hypothetical situation where there was a nuclear winter ravaging the world but he was doing alright, saying that if he was better off than others at that point then he benefited from that situation because he's better in comparison to others... And just the other day a coworker walk walking to his car, another coworker asked him where he was going.  He responded by saying eventually he was going to hell but, he was going to lunch right now.  Then he uttered an insult about the other coworker and then said something along the lines that hell is a christian belief so it’s bologna anyway.

I guess I wasn’t as surprised at the second happening, but with the mood I was in at the time it threw me off.  I just can’t comprehend people being so selfish.  With the first one he’s an amiable enough guy, but he just cares about himself.  The second will make some comments to your face, but now I know he’ll also make comments you can’t hear.  I suppose with the second it could just be the culmination of nerd culture where you insult your friends to be friends, but the fact that he also does it behind their back…well I guess it would make sense that if you do it to their face you might just do it behind their back just out of habit.

I guess I’m thrown by the first instance because I’ve never heard anyone so directly admit that he only cares about himself.  He didn’t sugar coat it at all.  He was working for himself and he’d be nice enough in talking to others but he really only cared about himself.  I suppose it’s better than what many nominal Christians do where they say that they live for God but really mostly live for themselves…just crazy to hear I guess.

Maybe I put too much faith in people’s inclination towards doing good.  Maybe I’ve hung out with good (note this doesn’t mean they are totally selfless) people for too long.  I guess it’s just a bit of a shock to meet people who are atheists and not humanitarians.  They just don’t care about anyone except themselves…it’s still throwing me…but now I know that they are out there.

Currently Christmas By Michael W. Smith see related

Seasons and Sermons

So it feels really weird to me that it’s December right now.  Out here in the San Diego the seasons are different from the Mid west.  Thus far I have experienced summer, summerer, summererier, and some fallishness and then some more summer and then a little more early fall type stuff, and more summer and some rain and cool fallness and again more summer.  So it’s difficult to get into the Christmas season because it is mostly still way too warm outside during the day.  At night it cools down to what would be a warm night in the mid to late fall, but my body is still very confused by this all.  Thus bring to light one of my biggest frustrations about this area being the lack of different weather (especially a lack of rain).  And that’s about all I have to say about that.

On a different topic I love the elder who normally does the sermons at the church I’m at (they don’t have pastors they have elders).  He’s very challenging and is great at revealing the mysteries of the Gospel to non-believers but also greatly challenging those of us who have been in the church for quite awhile.  He has a way of doing so that challenges and gets you to realize that you need to work to do better but that you also don’t have to be perfect.  In other words he preaches the Gospel.  He has been doing a series on parties and Jesus, but starting this week, he switched to Advent and went with Hope.  Now I was worried (and slightly relieved inside) to think that this series mught not convict like he has been because he was going to speak on such broad topics as Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love.  I was pleasantly surprised.  When he defined Hope he defined it as (paraphrasing) something that we are certain will happen that affects our outlook on everything.  He challenged us then to think about how Hopeful we are as well as what we (and other) but their Hope in.  When he launched into a these things that we put our Hope in and railed on each one I realized that this is a very good church for me to be in for now.  I feel that I should move to a place where I live in a community that is more of a poor area that has social issues.  When I move there I feel that I should probably attend a church in that community, but I feel for now that his as a transition church will continually allow God to remind me of His call to me at the very least every couple of weeks.  It is a place of a great reminder from God to me of His promise for me to be able to leave the silliness of “happy suburbs” for a place He wants me to be at.  A place where He gives me crazy Hope because it’s one of those quirks He gave me that I Hope and Dream like crazy for Him when I’m in those places…or maybe it’s just the lack of distractions.  I don’t know, but it’s where I need to be to thrive spiritually.  That’s why it’s much more of a sacrifice for me to be where I’m at now than to be living in a place of utter physical and social poverty.

Currently Listening Cities By Anberlin see related

A Politically Charged Few Days

So obviously these past few days have been rather politically charged.  Normally I would thrive in that type of environment but I find more and more often that political discussions I have are either useless, hurtful (to other people), or both.  I’m hesitant to express where my politics fall but it will kind of come into play in this explanation, so I’ll say that I’m a rather Liberal Christian who doesn’t have any issue with big government.  I don’t mind redistribution of wealth in the least.  I’m a recently declared pacifist and I’ve been moving towards being completely against violence in all forms including military actions.  That being said, my Christianity causes me to desire abortions not to happen; however I don’t know that an out-right ban is the best way to get that to happen…and this week I’ve been moving towards non-involvement in politics...I don’t fall into a voting bloc, and I’m constantly thinking about things further and changing my stances if I feel I need to.

Misty’s parents are conservative Christians who feel they have earned what they have and don’t want it taken away by the government.  Her mom religiously watches conservative pundits and listens to the far Right side.  So I’ve been worried as I’ve visited Misty at her house in the past few weeks as she has been having heated discussions with her parents and I really didn’t want to get into that…enter Monday night.  We are all eating and Misty’s parents are going through the propositions on the ballot in Cali (California has ballot measures that the citizens vote on called propositions).  Prop 8 this year is a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage.  We go by that and it passes over…bullet one dodged.  Then Misty’s mom starts bringing up how Obama’s running mate said they were for traditional marriage but how Obama didn’t want Prop 8 to pass (meaning same sex marriage can continue).  Misty says she has a similar position and the discussion begins.  Misty’s mom is winning the argument with a technicality.  I enter the discussion (should have let it go).  I help Misty and her dad even joins us in saying that it is a technicality.  Misty’s mom starts feeling ganged up on.  She further attacks gay marriage and Misty brings up the argument that I told her for why I can’t support a ban on gay marriage.  Basically I view this as major hypocrisy in the church since it is saying nothing of remarriage which is also a sexual sin related to marriage.  So I don’t feel that the Church has any right to put such huge support behind this ban when they say nothing of remarriage.  This may put me on the side of anti-remarriage and anti-gay marriage but Misty came from a father who remarried so I know God can redeem relationships that He may classify as sinful.  I would not have felt comfortable bringing these things up with Misty’s parents since her dad is remarried…this is an issue that Misty’s mom has been going through and she takes this as a personal attack against her thinking that Misty is saying she should get divorced which is not the point she trying to make at all as she’s trying to say that their relationship has been redeemed by God.  And so Misty and her mom both end up in tears.  They have since apologized to each other, but I still see politics dividing as I watch facebook statuses change to those who celebrate an Obama win by degrading McCain and others express grave fears at Obama being President…So I see politics dividing God’s family.  I see political maneuvers by governments having Christians kill Christians in war.  I see politicians on all sides invoking the name of America in the place of the name of God.  I see people combining their faith with nationalism and others having their faith in nationalism or politicians.

To my Christian brothers and sisters I bring a warning: beware of the spiritual powers behind politics.  Demons have a hold there and love to use it to divide.  Don’t let yourself be swayed by your peers who place their faith in fleeting things of this world like Presidents.  No President or government in the foreseeable future is going to come anywhere close to Jesus until His return.  God is not in the habit of killing babies, nor is he in the habit of starting wars between his servants.  I’ll leave with a Shane Claiborne quote from his experience as a peacekeeper in Iraq when the US started bombing Baghdad:

"If this bloody, counterfeit liberation is American... I am proud to be Un-American.

If depleted uranium is American... I am proud to be Un-American.

If US sanctions are American... I am proud to be Un-American.

If the imposed "peace" of Pax Americana is American... I am proud to be Un-American.

BUT

 If grace, humility, and nonviolence are American... I am proud to be American.

If global democracy is American... I am proud to be American.

If sharing to create a safe, sustainable world is American... I am proud to be American.

If loving our enemies is American... I am proud to be American.

REGARDLESS-

I would die for the people of New York but I will not kill for them... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I would die for the people of Baghdad but I will not kill for them... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I will stand in the way of terror and war... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I will pledge an allegiance deeper than nationalism, to my God and to my Family... my Kingdom is not of this world.

I will use my life to shout, "Another world is possible"... for my Kingdom is from another Place."

Currently Listening Seven Swans By Sufjan Stevens see related

Yay Gray!

Ok so the title has little to do with what I’m posting on, but I’m just happy that the sky is actually overcast today.  It has been way too sunny and summery for the past few months that I’ve been here.  I also started reading a book today which takes place in Lima and it talks about the gray skies of winter there…which makes me happy in thinking about the trek…which is good because thus far that book is very depressing…interesting, but depressing.  So what am I feeling I should write about?

Distractions!  Yay! ...wait no.  I’m not a fan.  So I’ve been feeling extra distracted lately.  I’m losing desire to do much else but work and then come back and distract myself.  It is in these times that I long more and more to leave and go elsewhere, to simplify, to leave all of the distractions and annoying things that the world tells me I have to do…le sigh.  Perhaps God had me not thinking about going into debt before I did to make sure that I would stay in the US for a bit while I learned some more stuff…or just grew more frustrated and driven so that I’d be less likely to want to return quickly once I get where He leads me for international stuff.  Oh yeah on a side note I heard on the NPR the other day that there are slums in Bogotá in Colombia; so if I’m supposed to check out Bogotá and I feel more called to urban slum ministry that could be where God’s leading me.  I’ll see.  I’m bored…and the vast majority of my time is composed of activities that do very little to grow my relationship with God so I’m very discontented with where I’m at. 

I also am somewhat unsure if the community group that Misty and I are in is right for me.  My main issue is that it’s mainly a college aged group.  So while the church is excellent and the teaching definitely pushes people to a better relationship with God…I feel that the group lacks the focus that I would like since I’d like a group focused on justice stuff and this group is still mostly focused on college…so I kind of want to see what will happen as more graduate, but I also kind of want to find a community that shares the more specific cry of my heart of poverty issues…which eventually I would hope would lead me to living in a community that lives in a poor neighborhood…and it’d be pretty darn cool if we all went off to live in another country that God calls us to after that…nudge nudge God. J…sigh.  I want out of this place I’m in.

In completely unrelated news my brother is now engaged, so congratulations to him and his fiancée.